Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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