Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
