forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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