Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
