I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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