Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
