You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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