So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize
