Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
