so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
