sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
