I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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