she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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