You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
