I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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