How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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