We're like a lot better than the average bears
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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