well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
the day after is always just damage control
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Randomize
