we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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