So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
it's like heaven, but drunker
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
