she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
