Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
