He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
