Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Randomize
