A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
where does the pee come out of this thing
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
