I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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