im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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