her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
