Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Shitshow foam night was such a success
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
