Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
