You're so nebulous sometimes
I hate all girls vehemently.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
