So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
