so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
