i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
