He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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