Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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