My hand turned me down
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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