Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I just sucked dick on a ferry
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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