i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Randomize
