Do you still have your period?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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