Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
