There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
