Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
