nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
