Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I FOUND THE LEGS
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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