I saw his package. It spoke to me.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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