Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
