fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
