I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
he fucked my hip out of place.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
