I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
