Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
