thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
