I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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