it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
