so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Randomize
