I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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